The Seventh Cup of Birthday Tea!

Happy Birthday, Rocky!

Today was Rachael, my roommate's, and our neighbor's birthday! Rocky (my nickname for Rachael) turned 22 and Kiaran turned 9! Woo hoo! Yay life!
I took some photos of the the coolest party activity I have ever experienced.
And, since they say a picture is worth 1,000 words, I won't talk overly much. Count your blessings.

Have you ever watched "Tangled"?

You know the magical scene where they're in the boat and all the lanterns are floating around them?

We did that. For Rocky. ^^

Now go light your world, Rocky!

Finally, a fun and entertaining blog instead of a heavy one.

I hope you enjoyed this light post!

Pun intended. =]

The Aforementioned Sixth Cup

I said I'd write a blog today...
And even though it's 10:30pm, I'll do it anyway!

Here I sit. Atop my top bunk of mine and Rocky's bunk bed. Writing in incomplete sentences. And I wonder, is it possible to prove the existence of Limbo? Well, I have begun to think that my very life is proof of the existence of Limbo.

It's there, people - I'm living it.

Yes, I said that right. I'm not living IN Limbo, I'm LIVING Limbo. You cannot separate me from my situation. The only stability I have right now is in the fact that I have no stability at all, so I will cling to my Limbo as if my life depended on it. Which it does, consequently, so that's quite appropriate.

You might be asking yourself, "Well what the heck is going on in this girl's life that leaves her in such a state?" Or, you might not - either way, I'll answer that for you, because I'm feeling like a peach.

So I'm on my DTS. DTS's consist of a Lecture Phase and an Outreach Phase. We have "completed" the lecture phase and begun the outreach phase...
We went to Romania a few weeks ago. It was the baptism of the four of us DTS girls into missionaryhood.
I just made a word.
Only we have a week of lectures this week. What? Yeah. That's my response. So we're in outreach phase, and we went on an outreach, but now we're back in England having classes once more. It's just messing with my head. I should be in South Africa right now growing in my God-given missionary potential... but I'm here? Buzz killer, man. Total buzz killer.
Or Limbo, really.

Meanwhile, back in Oregon...
I have two houses now. My mom's and my dad's. But neither of them are home. No, home is a different place entirely. Home is where my parents are happily married and my brothers and sister live - everyone together and loving it.
Home doesn't exist in this dismal reality. It only exists in my mercurial mind, in my whimsical walks down the bittersweet Nostalgia Lane.
So have I made England home? No. England is not home either, because all England is is soon-to-be memories. What I have here is constant only for a short time before it changes and can never be replicated again. I have 10 months of convoluted bliss, and I've already lived 7 of them. It's the end of the second act, ladies and gentlemen. There's only one more act before the show is over and we all go home to the sort of blues that always come up after the final curtain call.
Then - then all we have are memories - beautiful, painful memories that both haunt and comfort.
So basically, where is home?
Home is Limbo.

On top of all of this, all of my relationships back in Oregon (and surrounding areas) decided to change overnight... so who do I have to go home to? Well, probably Anne Turner, but she's just about the only really good friend of mine at the moment. I've seemed to find myself making people angry or just wanting to drop me lately. It's really wearing me down. And I have a feeling that actually, the reason most of these people are acting this way is a deeper issue than anything I have done... I just have no clue, because no one wants to communicate anything with me. Communication is not something anyone I know is good at. Seriously. Show me a person who is good at communication. It will be such a relief! So wonderful! I will kiss them full on the mouth!
Okay, extremism to the highest degree there, but I said it to make a point; take the point, leave the strange phrase. You'll be fine.
Where are my friends? That is an excellent question. I have no idea where they are. I only know where I am...
Which is in Limbo.

As my relationships fall apart one by one, my life calling changes. I keep thinking it's one thing, and then  some friendship of mine dies a very uncomfortable death and I question what direction my life is heading. This is all excruciatingly confusing. I have no idea what to do with my life. I know what I want to do, but I don't actually know if that is a possibility anymore. So if I don't think it's a possibility, what now? What the heck am I going to do now? Yeah.
Limbo.

I'm in between Phases. I'm in between homes. I'm in between relationships. I'm in between life callings.
Where's Limbo? It's the in between world. It is my very existence.
And it isn't easy.

I asked God where he was today. And he told me.
"Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire.
And after the fire there was
still
small
voice."
That's where God is. He's in my Limbo world with me walking it out alongside his little friend, speaking to me in a still, small voice.
I don't need God to break my Limbo apart so I can have the comfort of stability. I just need to know he is still there with me before I fall asleep at night. I just need to know he's there when I'm weeping from the stress of having a world crumble to pieces around me. And he told me that he is. The LORD is in that still, small voice. And maybe he won't come and tear up my melancholy Limbo to show me he is here and is taking care of me and has a good future planned for me, maybe he won't shake the life out of Limbo, maybe he won't burn Limbo away, but he will whisper to me while I'm here. He will give me grace for each day. And some days will be good days, and some will be not-so-good days, but they are DAYS after all - and God doesn't actually owe me the privilege of life.

This is the journey.
And every day is only the beginning.

P.S. Sorry this is so long and doesn't have any pictures. I promise to have more picture-filled blogs in the future!

The Measly Fifth Cup

So this is me... blogging... after months and months of NOT blogging. You should all be like, REALLY proud of me, because I'm absolutely rubbish at remembering to blog.

So, since my last post, pretty much a lifetime of things has happened to me.

I "finished" lecture phase, and went to Romania as part of the beginning of outreach phase. That was definitely the best outreach I have ever been on. My team was one-of-a-kind, the Romanian people were so caring and generous, the gypsy children were so fun and sweet and accepting, the food was sensational, and my heart was stolen by the beautiful culture and country. I will return to you, Romania.

I have learned so much, grown so much, seen so much, lived so much in these last months. And it's not even the end yet! Woo hoo!! I'm heading off to South Africa on the 8th of September. I'll be there for two months. Can I express to you how excited I am for that? No. Not really. But if you can imagine a squirrel on speed, that is pretty close. =p

Here is a picture of me and a beautiful little girl! =D

I'm assuming most of you have seen my facebook, and that is the profile picture, but I love it enough to post it here as well!

So, what did we do in Romania?
Here is a list, in no particular order.
We -
- played with gypsies
- rode sketchy trains
- stepped out of our comfort zones
- got lice
  - not me, though, thank you, Jesus!
- gave testimonies
- painted faces
- danced when we weren't supposed to... haha.
- met some "traveling men" who were really quite interesting
- preached
- did the "Funky Chicken" song about a million and three times
- hung out with little kids who were amazing
- did devotions
- sang Shakira's Wakka Wakka song all.the.time
- did spiritual warfare
- went to a gypsy slum
- encouraged each other
- coordinated worship for churches and the base we stayed at
- blessed the base
- did work duties which involved cleaning and cooking and yard work and building a wall
- did dramas
- ate white bread. Every meal.
- ate other Romanian food, which I loved
- cooked about 32839028389 potatoes. Every meal.
- got to know people on the base and people on our team
- went to Sighisoara, which is where Vlad the Impaler is from
- went to Sibiu, which is a cute city
- went to youth groups
- used squatty potties
- did NOT mind the gap
  - we had to walk over railroad tracks to get to the platform we needed
- went to a boys' orphanage and played football for HOURS
  - that was the best day of my life!
- went to kids' camps
- ate sunflower seeds by the billions
- went to socials
- affirmed each other
- went to a village called Dumbraveni and did church services there as well as put on a kids' program in the village
- had a talent night
- did tons of church work
- got lost in translation
- went shopping
- played volleyball with a soccer ball. Oww.

- got bitten by thousands of bugs
- took cold showers. Brrr!
- fell in love with scores of children
- ate MORE white bread
- ate MORE potatoes
- went into the city center of Medias where we stayed
- went to the Mall in Sibiu... which was not what we actually wanted to do. Oh well!
- ate incredible ice cream
- listened to dogs barking all night long
- made lifelong friends
- had a Love Feast for the gypsies
- did Ceilidh dancing in the street
- spoke Spanish! In Romania! Best thing.
- prayed for loads of people.
- loved
- hoped
- lived

Pretty much, Romania was wonderful beyond explanation. I hope everyone on the planet gets to go there some day!

So, I'm going to blog tomorrow as well. You should be shocked. Very shocked. But I have had an interesting weekend, to say the least, and I'd like to tell you a little about it. So come back for seconds.

Or really, sixths. =]

The Interesting Other Half of the Fourth Cup.

This is where I tell you about the revelation that God is love. =]

In their album "Songs for Lent," the band New York Hymns says, "'Deny thyself and take thy cross,' is the Redeemer's great command" (The Cross is Laid Upon Jesus [Station 2]).
John Mark Comer, pastor of Solid Rock Church in Portland, Oregon, said in his sermon, "Good Sam," that Jesus calls us - "Where are we going, Lord?"
"To the cross."

What the heck does that mean? Deny yourself and take your cross? Follow Jesus to the cross? Well, God is showing me in a very detailed way exactly what that means. It  means put EVERYONE before yourself - even if it means you die. No, ESPECIALLY if it means you die. Put others in front of yourself. It WILL crucify you. Do it anyway - because that is what love is.

Love is a verb. It is "loaded language," if you want to be technical. (Mrs. Ray, you would be proud =]). Love doesn't mean that you feel nice things about someone. And thank God above for that, right? Human beings are so flighty. We are so emotional. We are flighty with our emotions. There is no way we could always feel nice things about someone. Let's be honest, people are irritating - there would be no such thing as true love if that is what love was.

What? You want love to be a noun? Well fine. Let's let love be a noun, then. So what is love as a noun? I'll tell you, but don't be offended when I say "I told ya so," when you figure out that love as a noun takes a lot of action. =]

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

So if we are called to strive to be like Christ, and Jesus is God, and according to 1 John 4:16, God is love, then we are called to be love. We are called to love like Christ loves us.

So we have to BE patient. We have to BE kind. Even when we are being stepped all over. Even when we feel devalued. Even when we are being crucified. That is what love is, and that is what I am learning through this Discipleship Training School.

I believe God is calling me to love and be love to people. Well naturally, I guess I have to learn what love is in order to portray it to others. So God, in His infinite wisdom and grace, is leading me on a journey to figure out what love is. And in the process, I am discovering who He is... and it is the most rewarding, most challenging, most painfully beautiful experience I have ever had. I am a glutton for punishment when I ask Him to never let this journey come to an end. I'm crazy to ask for that, wouldn't you agree? If you knew my circumstances in detail, you would agree. Trust me on this one. But another thing I'm learning that I'll have to blog about some other time, is that Jesus absolutely DELIGHTS in and does miracles through radically foolish worship. Paul did say, after all, that when he was out of his mind it was for Christ, and when he was in his right mind it was for the church. So, with my life, offered as a sacrifice - as worship - I will be foolish and ask God to teach me patience. I will be foolish and ask God to teach me kindness, humility, grace. I will be foolish and ask God to teach me how to be like Him.
And it will hurt.
And it will be beautiful.
And I will love it.
And I will hate it.
And God knows,
And He loves me even still.

So, Jillian, take up your cross. Love people even when they murder you. Be like Jesus - you won't regret it.

(Sorry this blog goes all over the place. My blogs generally have a tendency toward chaos...)

The Vague Fourth Cup

Jessica Heryford, this is for you.

So it is about half past ten here, and I am very tired. I realize that I do not blog nearly as much as I should, but I'm so busy! And I'm so tired. It's ridiculous. Busy + Tired = Crazy exhausted, highly irritable Jillian.
BUT, I will at least say a few words.

Life is challenging.

Sweet Christmas - after high school, life happens. It's like Life gets out of bed and decides to have a day of mischief! You have to follow it around everywhere and clean up all it's messes... and it seems like the more you try to train it to be good and obey, the less obedient it becomes! Life is an unruly child - randomly loving, but most of the time a well exasperating handful.

In other news, my birthday is in two days! Flippin' heck. I will be 19. Weird.

I will definitely write more about why life is challenging later on. However, my eyelids are starting to cloud my vision a bit, and my roommate is sleeping... or trying to. So I'll be off now.

The Long Awaited Third Cup

So I have a feeling that is high time for another blog post.

So, here goes.

And this will probably be quite jumbled up, because my brain is like scrambled eggs right now, but I hope most of it makes sense.

First off, God is good. All the time. Not some of the time, but literally ALL of the time. I have to remember this, because it is one of the easiest things to get thrown out of the roller coaster of a mind that characterizes part of my soul.

Secondly, God is love. I'll expand on this later. So have patience - which is a virtue, you know. =]

Okay. So where did I leave off? Oh, right. I didn't tell you anything about my actual TRIP at all, yet, did I?

Hmm, how to make a month-long story short? With bullet points, obviously!

February 5, 2011
-I hopped on a plane from Medford, Oregon and flew to Salt Lake City, Utah.
  -Didn't sleep.
-I then hopped on a plane from Salt Lake City, Utah, to Paris, France.

  -Prayed for a traveling companion.
  -Met Dennis, a Frenchman who was very kind and helpful to me. He sat next to me for
   this 9 1/2 hour flight.
  -Didn't sleep.
  -Dennis fell asleep, and they only showed 2 movies, so I counted in my head. Yep, you read that right. I got all the way up to 504 before I got distracted by the fact that the sky was becoming light! YAY!
Somewhere along the way, February 6, 2011 happened.
-Prayed for favor in the eyes of all I met.
-I arrived in Paris. I had to go through customs, but didn't have to grab my bags! Hallelujah!
-Met a girl from Reno named Kelsey. We stuck together because we were both quite lost/confused.
-Finally got to my gate and sat and waited for my flight to Manchester.
-Hopped on the plane to Manchester.
  -Didn't sleep.
-Arrived in Manchester, went through customs, and picked up my bags. At the carousel where my bags were, there were handy little trollies for my bags so I wouldn't have to carry them. However, what you need to unlock these trollies from one another is a pound coin. Guess what I didn't have. Mmhm. You got that right. A pound coin. So, I tried shoving every kind of American coin I possibly could inside that little keyhole... and nothing worked. Finally, when despair started sinking into the depths of my soul, I asked someone for help. He also could not make the trolly unlock. Eventually, he said "Hang it!" and took out his pocked knife and picked the lock on the trolly so I could have it. What a kind man. =]
-Got lost in Manchester Airport.
-Finally found the blasted train station.
-Bought my ticket.
-Waited for 30 minutes
  -During this time, I met Andy, who was the guy on the platform who tells you were to go. He was very kind to me and talked to me the entire time. Then, when my train finally got here, he helped me put my bags on the train. Too kind. =]
-Got on the train and tried not to fall asleep while I waited for it to arrive in York.
  -Had an awkward encounter with two young men while on the train. They thought I was looking at them, which I wasn't, mind you, and they were talking about me to each other and staring at me. I prayed for them to get off at the next stop. By the grace of God, they did. =]
-Finally arrived in York, tired, hungry, and feeling quite weak.
-Lugged my bags all over the station looking for a pay-phone. That was painful, and it resulted in an
 injured finger! =[ Poor finger.
-Finally found a pay-phone. Put coins inside it and called Angharad.
  -Angharad did not answer her phone.
-Frantically searched for more change.
  -Found none.
-Left my bags by the pay-phone and went to a Starbucks stand a few yards away, watching my bags intently the entire time.
-Bought a bar of chocolate so I could have change.
  -Got a weird look from the cashier.
  -Didn't care.
-Went back over to the pay-phone.
-Called Nan, who was actually IN the station waiting for me. I had walked right past Nan and Rachael.
  -They came and found me.
-Got a taxi and drove to Burton Green.
-Lugged my luggage upstairs.
  -Understood the reason behind calling luggage LUGgage.
-Forced myself to stay awake until 8:04.
-Went to bed.
THE END of traveling! YAY!

What did I learn through all of these things? That God listens to me. I prayed for favor in the eyes of all I met - and I got favor. I prayed for a traveling companion - and I got Dennis and then Kelsey. I prayed that those two men would get off the train at the next station - and they did. God listens to his children. Isn't that cool? =]

I'll write more on other cool stuff later. =]

The Second Cup

Don't worry, I won't end up naming all my blogs after how many there are. Did that really make any sense? Probably not, but I think maybe you get the picture. So you won't have to worry about reading The 27th Cup or something equally as imaginative. That would destroy any ideas you might have about my creativity... and I can't have that, now can I?

So I have discovered that having a blog is like having a really ugly, really terrible monster you have to care for. Yes, that sounds quite severe, but it is how I feel! I have to feed this bloomin' creature, and I cannot find food for it... anywhere! Well, that's not exactly true, but the food I find has to be developed and processed, and that is not an easy thing. You can't just pour it out of a tin and into a bowl. There is a quite a bit of work involved, and that takes quite a bit of time.

...Quite a bit.

However, I will now attempt to feed my monster. It's just, there is so much food, and so little time! Oh well. Better get on then.

So as you all know, I am in York, England. Everyone's first question is, "What's the weather like?!" Well, just so you all know, it is quite moody, but always cold. One day it will be dreadfully cloudy and I will feel like sleeping all day, or crying possibly, and then the very next day it will be absolute sunshine and happiness - spring, really. So basically, if you want to know what the weather is like, it is rainy, sunny, rainy, rainy and windy, cold, sunny and windy, overcast, cold, and cold and windy. It's a lot like southern Oregon, only bitterly cold, in my opinion.

One of the next questions is, "What is it like?!" And everyone wants to know about the scenery. Well, here in York, I haven't seen much of the countryside, but everything is brick. Well, obviously not EVERYTHING, but seriously, over 95% is brick. And most of the buildings are older than the very United States.

Have you ever felt young and annoying? Well here is a wake up call: the U.S.A. is young and annoying. Don't get all offended with that, but seriously. We are like a baby nation and we want to tell everyone how to run things. It seriously gets on people's nerves. I'm tainted for being American. RUDE! Hahaha okay I'm done with that rant now. Now on to the juicy stuff!

Actually, I feel like I can't adulterate the amazingness of the next post with the content of this post, so I will make a new Cup!

Yeah, I know that I said I wouldn't call them according to numbers of cups, but that is a logical, organized way to do it, so I just might do that. And it is in accordance with my new tea addiction, so it is actually quite legitimate. Don't you love how I can have one thing absolutely decided and then change it only by the end of a single blog post?
I am a woman. That should be explanation enough.

Now go to my next blog. =]